Pleasing God or Pleasing Self Part 1

I am teaching a teen class on Purity and so I thought I would blog what I am teaching...it will be a series over the next couple days...

Working at the The WILDs Summer Camp and Conference Center, there was a phrase that was said a lot, "There are two choices on the shelf, pleasing God or pleasing self." When it comes to almost all decisions in life, this is true. It will come down to deciding whether you want to please God or yourself. The ironic thing is that when you please God, you will be pleasing yourself. 

When I think of purity, I think of the words, pure love, clean, untouched, uncontaminated, innocence and the color white. Other words bring about a whole different word picture. For instance, sex. Our culture has turned words this word into something that is free for all and dirty. It's taken what God designed and trashed it. 

God designed intimacy as a beautiful gift. Gen. 2:24-25 "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed." 

Over the years, I have counseled many a girl who has crossed the boundaries that God has put up for her. I hear the same thing, "Joy I felt dirty afterwards; I felt like I needed to go take a shower." I have yet to be told of anything but of shame and guilt. God has a beautiful wonderful gift but if it's opened early it loses that beauty. Heb 13:4  Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge. 

You can ask my husband or any family member and they will all tell you the same thing, I HATE TO WAIT for any present. Especially at Christmas time, I am known to peek in my presents, and slit open a few corners so that I can get a peek at my presents. My family has learned to double wrap and stick it in a gift bag. In fact, my husband usually hides my presents until the 25th of December. Truthfully, even though I don't like to wait, I am enjoying my presents MUCH better now, because they are a surprise. In the past, I have always been excited about Christmas but the pleasure of opening the present and the beauty of the present always had a damper on it. Why? because I already knew what it was. Quite honestly, Christmas and my presents were boring. This too will happen if you try to open the present of intimacy before you are married. 

Marriage Vows

"Mwarwridge (Marriage) is what brings us together today" - If you have seen the movie, Princess Bride you would know what I'm talking about. Hopefully you chuckle as loud as I do, when you heard that said. In fact I was at a wedding a few years back and during the rehearsal, the minister suddenly quoted that line. The whole group of us lost it. You had to be there. :-)

As my husband works in the ministry, we deal with all sorts of situations and recently it seems that marriages are being attacked left and right. I'm saddened by the many marriages that do not keep people together.


Before I go on I want to say that there are some out there, that would LOVE to fight to keep their marriage but their spouse doesn't. If that is true of you, this article is not for you.


I believe that many problems lead to divorce but ultimately I believe that it all starts when you don't take your promises or vows seriously. In the 30th book of Number, keeping your promises is addressed. "This is the thing which the LORD hath commanded. If a man vow a vow unto the LORD, or swear an oath to bind his soul with a bond; he shall not break his word, he shall do according to all that proceeding out of his mouth." When you are taking your wedding vows you are promising to keep those vows. "Till death do us part," this means that you will stay with them, faithfully until you or they die.


Recently I heard a story of a couple who were struggling in their relationship because the man wasn't sure he was still in love with his wife. He suggested that they live separately for a time to see if he loved her and if he did they would move back in together. If not then he would go his happy way. Wait a second, sir! You promised to love and cherish her till the end. What changed? your feelings? 


You may say, oh well your still a newlywed and so you just don't understand. Ok, so here is some honesty to you all. I may be a newlywed, but I am hard to live with. Ask my husband and parents. :-) There have been days that I have truly not liked my husband and didn't feel any love toward him. I know he has had days like this too. In fact I have had longer then just a day a two before. I have second guessed getting married (not because my husband is some meany but because I was being a brat and not getting what I wanted at that moment) but do you know why? It was because of my flesh. I was wanted what I wanted at that minute. I didn't think of the promises I had made toward my husband. I didn't think about the fact that I had made a promise before God. I was living in the flesh. Furthermore if I had had Christ the center of my life at the moment, I would have been more focused on my husbands needs then my own.


There is no "my feelings changed." You made a promise to your spouse, you now need to keep it. I don't care if you know another man or woman who would "make you happier." You choose him/her, you promised to love and honor him/her NOW DO IT!


For those of you who have had divorced forced on you, my heart goes out to you. I'm sorry that the devil and our flesh is fighting so hard. I know you are hurting. Hang in there. Remember that our Father will hold you and love you and be a husband/wife to you.
For those of you, who are teetering and say I don't know what to do. FIGHT FOR YOUR MARRIAGE!

1.  Confess the sins to your heavenly father. If you heart has been wandering, let your Heavenly Father and spouse know and confess it. It's better to save your marriage now then let it go down that path and not be able to return.
2. Communication is key! Talk to your spouse, tell them what is going on in your heart. Let them know that you need to spice things up.
3. Go on dates. Take time! Once a month go out for the evening. Every night, spend atleast 5-10 minutes of uninterrupted time talking.
4. Ladies, be open to your husbands needs. Find them out and do it! Men, your wives need you to listen to them.

Here are some articles online that can help you with different problems in your marriage. Also check out my book list for more suggestions.

1. Focus on the Family has LOTS of help for marriages. (Anything from early years to finances to intimacy to crisis) Spend some time checking out their website
2. Date Him Again - Here are some cute ideas of some dates.You don't have to go to this extent. Just take her on a walk and talk. Go get ice cream. Turn of the TV and curl up on the couch. Spend time together
3. Christ-Centered Relationship - I have posted this before, but it's part 1 of a video to encourage  couples to keep Christ the Center of your relationship

There are a lot of difficulties I could talk about in marriage and try to give suggestions but its going to take God and you choosing to make the difference...LOVE is a choice...

Laughter in Marriage

Pro 15:13  A merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance:
Pro 15:15  he that is of a merry heart hath a continual feast. 
Pro 17:22  A merry heart doeth good like a medicine:  

Laughter is the best medicine. I believe this is also true in a marriage. I know when Jer and I can laugh about something together it makes our marriage all the stronger. In fact, Jer has an uncanny ability to make me laugh when I am upset at something. The Picture you see is from our Christmas photos. We were taking pictures at the Beach and the tide came in. Jer made sure I got as wet as he did. He is such a tease but I love that about him. 

I stumbled on this article about Laughter in Marriage. Take some time to read and think about it. 

Christ-Centered Relationships

My husband will NEVER completely make me satisfied and content 100% of the time. Wow, that doesn't sound like a good statement to open an article encouraging marriage. However, this is the truth.
My husband was given to me for this time as a blessing and bonus from God. This is also true of my son. I love them both A LOT but I can't let them be my idols.
Many people think that if they put all their time and energy into their husband and family they are doing the "Christian thing" BUT even though this sounds good, it's not where our focus should be. Our focus should be on God. He will fill you with so much love that serving and loving your family will overflow from your love of God.
Look at the triangle. The closer you get to God, the closer you get to each other. This is true. Instead of focusing on your family, focus on God and allow him to do the work of bringing you all together in unity.

The Video below if of Francis Chan and his wife speaking on having a Christ-Centered Relationship. This video really makes you think.

Now think about your relationship, is it God-Centered, Family-Centered, or YOU-Centered?

Single and Satisfied

To all my single friends: Take the time to listen to this clip from Leslie Ludy - True Purity.
Girls: 1. You will have regrets about anything you do,( that goes against God's design for marriage) before your were married after you are married. 2. It is NEVER to late to start over, God will forgive you if you ask him and give you a clean slate. 3. AND THE MOST IMPORTANT - God is Love! Seek love there and he will find you the best man out there. That's what happened to me!!!